Illuminate
by Rosage
Summary: Tanith always considered romantic settings to be nothing but a distraction from duty, but a chance meeting with Sigrun flips that upside down. Tanith/Sigrun


_A/N: Written for the fexchange round of fe-fest on livejournal._

As Ashera had graced Melior with a full moon, Tanith hadn't bothered carrying a torch outside, though the path to the barracks was so etched into Tanith's boots that any light was unneeded. Glancing up, Tanith recalled folk tales she'd heard. Maids whispered that feral laguz ("sub-humans we can't kill," they called them, and Tanith always thought of the apostle and grimaced) roamed freely during the full moon, while soldiers she caught red-handed claimed its powers robbed them of control.

They were nothing but superstitions. Tanith, for one, would not accept any excuse from a disobedient knight, let alone one so flimsy as a celestial body's magic.

Perhaps they'd learned their lesson by now, and this month wouldn't bring any crazed moon dances. Perhaps. But no sooner had she finished the thought than a bout of giggling reached her ears. Locating the source, Tanith ground her teeth. Spoke too soon, she thought.

Tanith strode straight toward a corner of the courtyard where bushes provided cover for sordid meetings. Swiping the branches aside, she spotted a boy with crossed ankles leaning his palm on a wall against which a girl stood with disheveled hair. Squinting to make out their faces in the dark, Tanith's eyes narrowed further when she recognized her newest recruit.

"Clarice!" she barked. The giggling broke off into a squeal. Clarice turned to Tanith with eyes as wide as a calf's, though nothing about her looked half as innocent. "What are you doing? Curfew was an hour ago, and I know for a fact that you were on the roster for clean-up duty this evening. Did you at least manage to do that correctly?"

Clarice shrank back, clinging to the sleeves of a nightgown that was most certainly not standard issue. "I-I…"

"Yes? Speak!" Tanith growled. Secretly, her hope that Clarice would own up to any mistakes she'd made outweighed her hope that the girl hadn't made them, but admitting that to her recruits was as good as inviting them to break rules willy-nilly.

"I didn't help them clean," Clarice said, her face glowing red in the night. "Geor—er, he invited me to meet him right after mess, so I…"

Tanith kept all traces of relief off her features and turned to the lad—a stable boy, judging by his dusty clothes. "Is this true?"

"Yeah." He shrugged his shoulders. Anyone under her command who made such a gesture would have gotten a tongue-lashing, but stable boys weren't under Tanith's jurisdiction. Glaring, she got his name and told him he wouldn't be assigned to the pegasus stables again before telling him to leave. He muttered as he brushed past her.

Tanith turned back to Clarice. "The meal crew has already finished cleaning without your help, but I'm sure I can create a mess for you to take care of—every night for the next two weeks. Do I make myself clear?"

Clarice's head bobbed. "Yes, ma'am," she whispered before squeezing past Tanith and scurrying off. Her slippers slapped hard against the stone.

She'd better have learned her lesson, Tanith thought. New recruits are easily replaced, as she'll learn soon enough. Though she wouldn't admit it to Clarice—just as she hadn't admitted to hand-picking the girl for her rare skills, instead telling Clarice her squad was experiencing a shortage—Tanith hoped she'd never have to kick her out. She hated few things more than losing a knight with potential to some silly romantic fantasy.

At least she didn't blame the moon. Tanith shook her head and returned to her tasks. By the time she had turned back to retire to her room, the night had grown dimmer. Still torchless, Tanith nevertheless kept her chin straight and her stride brisk. Altogether, she should not have been surprised when she tripped.

A pair of arms caught her. Looking up at Sigrun, Tanith felt her face grow hot with embarrassment at her clumsiness being seen. Warmth emanated from the fingers that hovered at her elbow.

Tanith stepped out of Sigrun's grip. "Thank you, Commander Sigrun. I should have been watching where I was going." Tanith inclined her head. No matter how many times Sigrun told her that close friends needn't bother with such things, Tanith couldn't shake the habit.

"Don't worry yourself," Sigrun said. "Though it is rather late to be without a torch."

Sigrun glanced at Tanith's hands, making her aware of their weight at her side. Without a lance or pair of reins to grip, they felt aimless. "I suppose it is, though I didn't think I'd need one."

Sigrun's torch illuminated her smile. "I would have expected a commander of the holy guards to be better prepared."

"Just as I would have expected someone so courtesy-bound not to tease so often," Tanith retorted.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."

Tanith snorted. Despite how often Sigrun chided her for making inappropriate remarks, Sigrun wasn't as proper as she liked to pretend. Numerous times she'd walked in on Sigrun having private moments with their empress came to mind. It had been cooing in her younger days, followed later by jokes Tanith would have expected from the prime minister rather than Sigrun.

Tanith forced down a grin. "In any case, there was no need to waste oil on a torch this evening." The sparkle in Sigrun's eye revealed she was thinking about recent evidence otherwise. Scuffing a boot against the dirt, Tanith dared Sigrun with a look to say anything. Sigrun smiled pleasantly and held her torch out. Despite her own reasoning, Tanith was glad Sigrun was cautious enough to carry it.

As they walked, Tanith realized their paths didn't usually cross at this time. "What brings you out here this late?" she asked. "Aren't you supposed to be at the apostle's side?"

"Prime Minister Sephiran arrived earlier than scheduled, and the empress wished to speak to him alone," Sigrun replied. Tanith wondered if Sanaki had stated that desire or if there had been no need. She'd always marveled at Sigrun's ability to understand others and considered her own lack of the same to be some innate quality that couldn't be helped. The only time she minded was when she saw Sigrun tending to the apostle and wished she could express the same care.

Sigrun seemed to notice Tanith's brooding. "Don't worry," she said. "General Zelgius was with them. The apostle is being guarded by the best."

Guilt stabbed Tanith. How could she have let childish envy distract her from checking on the apostle's safety? "Of…of course. That's good, then."

"Is something troubling you?" Sigrun asked.

"It's nothing."

Sigrun paused for only a moment before nodding and continuing their walk. Tanith had always appreciated Sigrun's ability not to pry on occasions when personal feelings invaded.

As they walked, Tanith's eyes scaled the courtyard's walls to make sure the palace's sentries were in place. Sigrun broke the silence.

"I ran into Clarice a short while ago."

Her casual tone made Tanith suspicious. "Did you?"

"Yes. Or rather, she ran into me. She seemed quite distraught."

"Is that so."

"Mm. Tanith, how harsh were you?"

Tanith quickened her pace. "I gave her a minimal punishment. Basic labor, for a short period of time. Hardly 'harsh.'"

Sigrun hung back, forcing Tanith to slow down. "That may be," Sigrun said, "but sometimes the worst punishments are in the delivery." After a moment, she added, "She was crying."

"I see. Well, perhaps there is hope for her after all."

Sigrun stopped walking. "Hope?"

"Yes, though, of course, it depends on why she was upset. If she was only disappointed about her rendezvous' abrupt end, I may have to lower my expectations of her." The phrase tasted sour. Tanith never wanted to lower her standards for a recruit, lest the whole squad match the bar they'd set; if she was honest, though, the disappointment of lost faith burned more. "On the other hand, if she felt shame for her behavior, then it can be fixed."

It seemed a reasonable response to Tanith, but by the look on Sigrun's face, she disagreed. Doubt nipped Tanith. While Sigrun wasn't the type to argue, her small frown affected Tanith more than shouting ever could. "Tanith, there is no need to upset your recruits so personally. I understand your dedication to discipline, but I was never so harsh on you, was I? And yet you became one of the most dutiful commanders the holy knights have ever seen."

Had anyone below Tanith on the chain of command lectured her, she would have had no patience for it. If she respected them, she would usually debate with them in case their point held water. However, if she had any arguments now, Sigrun knocked them down.

Usually, Tanith waved compliments aside, but hearing one from Sigrun pleased her more than she could say. "I…thank you for such an appraisal, but unfortunately, my recruits simply refuse to meet my standards. And don't suggest I lower them, because you of all people should know why I refuse to."

"Of course," Sigrun said. "I would never suggest such a thing."

Sigrun's eyes glowed yellow in the torchlight, reminding Tanith's of another pair they both knew well. That pair that saw everything despite being four feet off the ground, the one she knew Sigrun was picturing as much as she was, had hung in Tanith's mind and sparked worries that kept her awake at night. Is she getting any time to herself? Does she ever get to have fun? Does she miss her parents? Is she happy? The questions persisted even when she told herself she needed sleep if she was to report for duty the next day.

Tanith shook those thoughts away. "Good," she said loudly, a trick to keep her focused. "I'm glad we agree."

"We do," Sigrun said. "However, while I wouldn't want you lowering your standards, if your soldiers consistently don't meet them, perhaps it's imprudent to keep enforcing them with the same methods."

"You're saying…my methods are failing."

"I'm merely suggesting it might be in your own interest to try a different tact."

Tanith mulled that over. Polite cushioning or not, Sigrun clearly suggested Tanith wasn't fulfilling her role sufficiently. If she was failing as a commander, she had nobody to blame but herself.

Sigrun's voice pulled Tanith out of her thoughts. "I'm not trying to chastise you, merely offering advice."

Tanith nodded. "I will keep it in mind. Still, it's not as if I know of a way to stop young girls from having romanticisms."

"Why, of course not," Sigrun said. "That's simply a part of their nature."

Tanith scowled. "Nonsense. Some of us have managed just fine without such distractions. If you and I can get by without romantic entanglements, there's no reason we shouldn't expect the same of our recruits."

Sigrun's smile made Tanith bristle. It was the look Sigrun gave to trainees when she was about to explain something basic to them, something they should have known and wouldn't be happy to find out.

Tanith's eyes narrowed. "Something on your mind?"

"What makes you think I've never had romantic entanglements?"

"That's—" No other words followed. Tanith's thoughts turned like a rider tumbling off into the air. Sigrun being without a lover seemed so obvious it wasn't worth thinking about, and now she was left trying to figure out why.

Once she'd recovered, Tanith caught the amusement in Sigrun's eye. Bafflement gave way to irritation. Sigrun was playing with her. Ashera bless the woman, her jokes could try a night guard's patience.

Determined not to let herself be distracted, Tanith cleared her throat. "In any case, I trust you not to let any personal relationships you may have tear you away from your duties. Inexperienced youngsters like Clarice are a different story."

"I see," Sigrun said. She continued walking without further comment.

Grateful to drop the discussion, Tanith swept her gaze around the courtyard for anything out of order. Her eyes met nothing but walls, neatly hedged bushes, and a deserted fountain that noble ladies flocked around in the daytime. No guards stood nearby, and given the courtyard's internal location, the guards stationed above faced outward.

Though Tanith squinted to make out the sentries in the dark, her mind was elsewhere. One question thrummed at the back of her mind, no matter how she tried to ignore it.

Does Sigrun have a lover?

Of course, it was the commander's business, not hers. Though Tanith's fist clenched when she thought about what she'd do to any lecherous smooth-talker who took advantage of Sigrun, she knew nothing of the sort would happen. Sigrun could take care of herself, and was smart enough to avoid a scandal, besides. There was no reason to worry.

Still…She would have told me, wouldn't she? All knights learned not to expect preferential treatment, and Tanith had usually been the one to go to her captain with concerns, but surely Sigrun also considered Tanith a friend worthy of confidence.

Oh, this is silly. She was just teasing, Tanith reminded herself. She pressed her thumbnail into her finger. Brooding for so long was pointless.

At that thought, Tanith realized how long the walk was taking. Matching Sigrun's ambling was making her knees stiff. This from the woman who could out-fly the crow king himself if the apostle depended on it, Tanith thought.

Sigrun was watching the sky. Tanith followed her gaze. "Is something amiss?" she asked. "An air pirate, or a pegasus knight disobeying orders, perhaps?" A chuckle drew Tanith's attention back to the woman beside her. "Dare I ask what's so funny?"

Sigrun pressed her fingers over her mouth. "My apologies," she said. "You just sounded so serious."

"I have a serious occupation."

"Yes, I know. To answer your question, though, no, there's nothing amiss. I was just looking at the moon."

Tanith blinked. "The moon."

"Yes. It's quite lovely tonight." Sigrun returned to looking at it. Tanith did, too, but she couldn't find anything worth spending more than a moment on.

"Hm," she said. "I suppose."

Sigrun sighed. It wasn't one of her disappointed sighs, a sound which always made Tanith want to shape up, even when the mistake hadn't been hers. No, this was the sigh maidens made while smelling flowers courters gave them. Forced as it was, that noise had always annoyed Tanith, but there was nothing unnatural about Sigrun, and Tanith wouldn't have minded hearing that quiet, fluttery breath again.

"Isn't it mysterious," Sigrun said, "How it disappears into the tiniest crescent before opening up into such a full figure?"

Realizing how close Sigrun was, Tanith stiffened. "I hadn't really thought about it."

Sigrun didn't seem to notice Tanith's discomfort. "I can see why so many stories surround it. The prime minister has told me a few."

"I'm sure he has."

"Mm. For instance, some say dark spirits spend two weeks eating away at it, and holy spirits spend two weeks bringing it back. That's why shamans have ceremonies when the moon is full, while priests hold candlelight vigils when it's gone."

"Interesting. Though, do 'some' say that, or just him?"

Sigrun laughed. "You never know with him, do you? Although, Sephiran is generally serious where the night sky is concerned. He's quite a romantic when it comes to that sort of thing."

"Is he?" Though she snorted, discomfort settled into her that she couldn't place. Sigrun's current disregard for personal space was unusual, but Tanith wasn't sure that was it, despite the odd chill in her shoulder where Sigrun brushed against it.

"Yes. Sephiran's apparently fond of the sky."

Oh, that was it. Had Sigrun ever called the prime minister by name before? She couldn't remember. A bit improper for Miss Manners, Tanith thought, but she couldn't get into the derision.

"He especially likes constellations," Sigrun continued. "He's quite knowledgeable about them."

Or good at making things up. Again, Tanith couldn't settle into the teasing. Agitation had come over her, making her muscles tense. She didn't speak for fear of snapping.

Her recruits' recent lack of discipline was getting to her, she decided. Clarice's flippancy was only one of a string of incursions. She would have to tighten command.

Sigrun's voice filtered in through her brooding. By the sounds of it, the prime minister really had taught her a lot about the stars. When had he had that opportunity? Most of Sigrun's hours were spent by the apostle's side.

Sigrun pointed. "You see that row of stars? That's Altina's sword, Alondite. Ragnell is the one attached to her scabbard—the column opposite. In between is the curve of her back, see?" Tanith tried to make out the shapes, but she couldn't fill in the details the spares clusters were supposed to represent. Back in boot camp, Tanith had learned how to use the stars to navigate, but she'd never grasped the hunters and animals the other girls giggled about. She'd rolled onto her stomach and stuffed her head under the pillow to drown out their chatter, all of which was nonsense—wishes upon stars and other wastes of time.

A tickle against Tanith's neck made her shoulders jerk up. Turning, she realized it was Sigrun's hair spilling loosely over her shoulder. When had she moved that close? Awkwardly, Tanith tilted her head away and looked sidelong at Sigrun. Her eyes had taken on a dreamy cast in the torchlight, accented by a sparkle that danced as if a star twinkled in it.

At the thought of stars, a memory came back to Tanith, one she'd buried out of embarrassment. As a trainee, she'd snuck out of bed after the other girls had gone to sleep and made her own wish.

Sigrun's voice threw Tanith out of her reverie. "That one's Sephiran's favorite."

"Which one?" Tanith asked, still unsettled by the lack of honorific.

Sigrun pointed. "It's called the suppressor, in honor of Lehran's legendary galdr. It looks like a heron, see?"

Hair tickled Tanith's cheek. "I don't see it."

Sigrun pressed their heads together and grabbed Tanith's hand. Pointing Tanith's finger upward, she traced an outline with it. "There. See? That's his wingtip."

"I see," Tanith murmured. She heard her own voice through a haze. Sigrun's cheek felt warm against hers, and given the chills the evening air was giving her, it wasn't unwelcome.

"That's his neck. See how slender it is? Like a swan's," Sigrun said. Under their fingers, the lines took shape. The elegant curve did resemble a swan, but it reminded Tanith more of Sigrun's pegasus in flight. Tanith had watched it often before being accepted as a recruit, and excitement had kept her awake all night the day after she'd been assigned to Sigrun's squad. It had been in that frame of mind that she'd crawled out after the other girls had made their wishes and made one of her own.

I want Sigrun to be impressed by my flying tomorrow. How silly. She should have spent that effort practicing instead.

"That triangle of stars is the beak," Sigrun was saying, but other than appreciating how melodic Sigrun's voice was, Tanith didn't listen. Dizziness was making it hard to think. Having been drilled to pay attention to her body's signals in case of drugs or sickness, she scanned herself for any signs that would-be assassins had slipped something in the well. If anything, a fever seemed likely; heat burned under her skin as if Sigrun had planted her torch there. She would have to have a healer check her out. It was irresponsible not to keep herself in tip-top shape…

Tanith shook her head. Sigrun shifted back at the movement. It was only an inch, but the gap was enough to let the night air worm in and pull the warmth from their contact away.

Tanith made a quick decision. This wasn't an assassin, it was Sigrun. The apostle was well defended, and Tanith had no tasks that needed her attention. Hesitantly, she leaned back against Sigrun.

To her relief, Sigrun didn't so much as skip over her words. She simply returned the gesture, as if this was something they did all the time.

"…And after its tail feathers, it curves back up to the wingtip." Sigrun kept her hand loosely over Tanith's as she pulled her face back just enough for Tanith to see her smile. "Do you see it now?"

"Yes," Tanith said. "I do."

"Good." To Tanith's mixed relief and disappointment, Sigrun stepped back. "Well, I'm afraid it's time for me to head back. General Zelgius had a long day, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind being relieved from duty."

Whatever spell the moon had cast on Tanith wore off. She couldn't remember what part of the sky Sigrun had been pointing to, let alone whatever the shape she'd outlined look like. It struck her how deeply foolish her thoughts had been. Embarrassed, Tanith suddenly wanted Sigrun to leave as soon as possible, even if some part of her still clinging to that moment wanted her to stay.

She cleared her throat. "In that case, good night."

"You too," Sigrun said. "And…thank you for a lovely evening, Tanith." Sigrun gripped Tanith's fingers and brought them to her lips.

Tanith's eyebrows shot up and then scrunched together. "Captain? What—"

"I never taught you the proper way to bid a lady farewell?"

"That's…" Tanith tried to gather her composure, but to be surprised again so soon after regaining her rationale left her dumbfounded.

Sigrun's eyes softened. "Rest well," she said, before turning to walk away.

Tanith stared stupidly after her. Such a short time ago, she'd been angry at Clarice, but with the range of feelings Tanith had experienced since then, it felt like much longer. She tried to piece the events together. The look on Sigrun's face had been fond, but there was something about it nagging Tanith, a certain controlled curve to her smile and spark in her eye that all looked too familiar, like…

Like Sigrun's face when she played a joke.

Realization struck. Tanith's eyes narrowed. She chased after Sigrun.

"Hold a moment!"

Sigrun stopped and turned. "Yes? Is something—"

"You…you meant to do that," Tanith said.

"Why," Sigrun said, "I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, I think you do. You didn't like how I treated Clarice, and you thought I'd be less harsh if I—if you…" Tanith fumbled, unwilling to state whatever it was Sigrun had intended. Even as she looked at Sigrun accusingly, she found herself searching for guidance from the older woman, as she had so many times.

Sigrun shifted her torch between her hands. "That…did give me a good excuse, yes," she said softly.

Tanith stared, absorbing this new information. As she did, she noticed the worry on Sigrun's face that she had been too lost in her thoughts to see. She relaxed, finally. Being a knight herself, Sigrun wasn't anymore comfortable with discussing personal feelings than she was.

Tanith shook her head. She still had much to process, and there was no need to pursue the matter now. "It's getting late. I won't keep you any longer. Good night. And…" She cycled through things she wanted to express, but none of it seemed right. "Step carefully," she finally said.

Sigrun smiled. "Don't worry," she said. "Unlike many, I tend to keep my balance."

Tanith grunted. "And unlike many, you hopefully know well enough when to let something go."

"I'll keep that in mind. Good night, Tanith."

Unlike the jarring sensations from earlier, the warmth Tanith felt as Sigrun walked away was comfortable, like the feeling she got when she stroked her pegasus's mane. Thinking back over the night's events, Tanith grinned despite herself. The captain had won this round, fair and square. Defeat was a bitter pill to swallow, but only a dishonorable knight would refuse to acknowledge it.

Punishment would be in store, Tanith decided. Only an undisciplined commander made exceptions for their own behavior. It was cleaning duty for her for the next two weeks, and if Clarice wondered why her commander was scrubbing pots alongside her, she would simply bark at the girl to keep working.

Tanith glanced up at the sky. Now that she paid the moon fair attention, it really was impressive. It was full now, but by the time her punishment ended, shadows would swallow it up until there was nothing to prove it was there.

Then it would reveal itself again, little by little, until its full glow illuminated the courtyard. Tanith would have to tighten her watch on the recruits that night. Of course, if she happened to run into Sigrun in the process, Tanith would claim victory this time.

Tanith stared at her hand and smiled. Against a knight of Sigrun's caliber, she supposed she could settle for a draw. If she ended up on cleaning duty again, she'd make sure Sigrun was scrubbing alongside her. Perhaps then it would be Tanith's turn to teach her captain a thing or two. Despite how improper it seemed, Tanith didn't think she would mind.


End file.
